Friday 29th May 2015
Round 2, Friendly Four T20 League 2015
RTCC win scoring 119 off 11
SCC scoring 117 off 20
Fresh from another failed detox, battle-hardened Lieutenant General Cobramovich grimly pulled on his new SCC beanie against the unseasonal late May chill and gathered the Red Army once more for a pre-match strategy briefing. In a fug of putrid red Marlboro smoke and between frequent interruptions from the tolerated refusnik Jontin, the career soldier set his crack troops a target of 120 – six an over: A higher 20-20 score than The Collective had ever reached before.
In response, Vlad the Transylvanian promptly blood-suckered a maiden from the very first over. At square leg umpire, ‘Ceevich’ frowned, but said nothing.
Jamesni Dilnitch, son of SCC founder member Dhil, was making his Collective debut batting at the other end, and quickly clattered ‘Tavs’ ludicrously named opening bowler Pacey for four. A fine young Communist, Dilnitch even bats left-handed.
The Impaler’s mind, however, was clearly on his Friday night virgin-hunt, rather than his usual run-accumulation – and he was quickly coffined for one. Tomasz Hodderov, who’d excelled at the short format in 2014, joined Dilnitch – and the youthful pair quickly put on 35 in just six short overs before the cruel Crouchie capitalists had Hodders out.
But the tyro two had both clubbed ‘maximums’ during this brutal period and the shamefully de-nationalized railwaymen looked concerned; even more so, when they saw The Siberian Tiger stride out in his trademark cosmonaut space pads….
For Tiger approaches his batting much like his fellow Central Asiatic Ghenghis Khan approached world domination – with wanton medievalism and superhuman strength. The despicable Tavs looked terrified, but quickly fluked a quite farcical LBW decision, to unjustly remove the powerfully built Siberian.
Next to join the classily rampageous Dilnitch was his fellow recent recruit, Russeletskay Analitch. This former Moscow State Circus acrobat, with his Lake Baikal-sized tattoo and ever-beaming demeanour, has already brought much joy both to our Slavic hearts and idiotic brand of cricket.
Now, it was Anal-itch’s batting that caused our mournful balailaikas to suddenly strike up a merry gypsy rhythm: He put on a further thwacking 40 with Dilnitch, before the latter was retired under tournament rules once he had reached a superbly well-crafted half century.
Yorkshire is sadly the UK’s only genuine Socialist Republic. (Although surely Bonny Scotland is happily about to declare for the Eastern Bloc too?) And lo, two SPG-battling Yorkie miners, still in their coal-streaked pit helmets, were suddenly at the crease together! SCC veteran Petr Brandonovski drilling deep for a dot-heavy three not out, while meantime new discovery ‘Dacha’ Woodhouseyev hammered a shock ‘n awe 19.
Jontin, completely unused to slumming it with the grimy proletariat and no doubt all talked out, succumbed to a rare Golden, before Ileyva joined Brando to see us home to 116: Just four short of the desired score set by the disgraced, vodka-alcoholic former General. OUTSTANDING-ov! But…
In response the dour, all-too ‘professional’ opposition of Western greed-mongers managed to overhaul our valiant total within 12 overs and – according to the twisted propaganda in their scorebook – without loss of wicket.
No matter. [And no Hatter! For if we’d had his and Tzarina Yuri’s leg-cutters rearing suddenly across the Tavs batters’ line of vision from left to right, the same murderous trajectory so sickeningly symbolized by “Yo” Blair’s man-hugs with the ghastly Bush, Things May Have Been Different.] For, thanks to the 10 points gained through sixes struck (Dacha, Hodderov and Dilnitch), individual 50’s (Dilnitch) and team-scoring over 100 as losers, the glorious Soho Cricket Collective retain their threatening 2nd-place in the Friendly Four League Table.
Bring on the 24th July for the denouement, Revolutionaries!
Match report by comrade commissar Cobramovich.