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MATCH REPORT – VCC v SCC – 18th June 2017


5 wickets, 139 in 24 overs
VCC running 138 in 30 overs

Comrades, vice-captain on the day, Soldya (Dan March) presents you with his lyrical match report:

In homage to Lewis Carroll please find a match report in verse:

18th June. Hampstead Heath.

The Walrus & the Vladinator.

Hampstead Heath Extension

The sun was shining on the Heath,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The willows smooth and bright–
And this was odd, because it was
mid- June, which is normally shite.

The VCC was whining sulkily,
Because they thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After play had begun–
“It’s very rude of him,” they said,
“To come and spoil the fun!”

Dacha was fast as fast could be,
Soldya was slow as slow.
You could not see a run because
No run came from willow:
No sixes were flying overhead–
There were no sixes for show.

The Walrus and the Wazza
Started to make a stand:
But Wazza wept like anything to see
Malky’s slip catch go to hand:
“If he had, what I like to call, dropped it,”
Walrus said, “it would be grand!”

“0 Simon, come and bat with us!”
The Walrus did beseech.
“A pleasant walk, a pleasant run,
Along the green-grass pitch:
We can do with many a four,
To put us out of reach.”

The future SCC bat did look at him,
But never a word said he;
The future Commie winked his eye,
And shook his Newbury–
Meaning to say he did not choose
To sign up for the VCC.

As forty one runs Si hurried up,
the Walrus in the heat –
His face all flushed, his whites all crushed,
retired, on twenty nine, dead beat,—
Then he lay down under the marquee,
A big, slab of Capitalist meat.

Dacha – Nippling cricketer

Another wicket fell to Dacha’s blast,
Lbw Willcox for six, no more;
And thick and fast they came at last,
Si caught Will bowled Yuri, hear the roar!
All running to congratulate the catch,
And the slowing of the score.

The Walrus still lay prone
As Malky’s maiden wicket struck,
Cem for two runs alone
Pouched Harrison with skill not luck:
And all the little VCC’s stood
And muttered a silent ‘fuck’.

“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of, what I call, spikes–and slips–and linseed-wax–
Of dot balls–and stumpings–
And why Hampstead’s boiling hot–
And whether pigs have wings.”

“But wait a bit,” the VCC cried,
“Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And the Don is yet to bat!”
“No hurry!” said the Charlie.
They thanked him much for that.

“The SCC are falling apart,” the Walrus cried,
Sewelleski bowling with grunts and width:
Don racking up fifteen runs
Looking for a sixteenth–
Then Yuri returning to the fray,
Bowled him – the man, the myth.

Steve and Darren completed the score,
1-3-8 the total to chase.
After such fielding, and bowling
Not one SCC did disgrace
“The score is fine,” the Walrus said,
Sweat pouring from his face.

And so t’was time for tea to come!
The sarnies were very nice!
The players said nothing but
“Water please with extra ice!”
The sun still blazed upon them all–
Sunburn (and match fee) their price.

“It seems a shame,” the Brando said,
“To play them such a trick.
After we’ve brought them out so far,
And got them out so quick!”
The Walrus said nothing but
“My head feels what I call, very thick!”

And so the Vlad and Analich
Strode manly to the crease
The Anal one returning soon
His bails had been released
The Don had bowled him by surprise
At zero his score did cease.

Henry Kelly enjoys a
drink – remember him?

Commie Vlad batted valiantly on
Young Harrison by his side
A mop of hair, nine runs, then out,
So Malkovich to the middle did stride
Off the mark – the joy -then Wazza -oh boy,
The death rattle – Malky’s innings died.

As Vlad stroked eleven glorious fours
Brando arrived just oozing ‘cricket’!
Taking guard, imperious, such confidence
Blocking two, just the ticket.
Then Wazza once more (future SCC for sure)
Got our comrade leg before wicket (and very plum!)

Ah Sewellski – wielding bat like twig
A four, three more, then woe!
Willcox turned him inside out
And back to the marquee he must go.
Seventy for five. Things not looking great.
Young Ruboneoff entered the show.

“I weep for me,” the Walrus said:
“I deeply sympathize.”
With sobs and tears from his sick bed
He saw the Commie total rise,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

“O Commies,” said the VCC,
“You’ve hit another run!
Shall we be trotting home again?”
But answer came there none–
And this was scarcely odd, because
The SCC had absolutely battered them – Yes. WE’D WON!

SCC Victors and the VCC
18 June 2017


Comrades, the VCC scoring of our bowling is really a bit of a mess and overs have been attributed all over the place. PLEASE advise me of your corrections ASAP!


VCC v SCC 18 June 2017
SCC Innings


VCC v SCC 18 June 2017
VCC innings


Match Report: SCC v VCC Sunday 23rd June 2013

20130708-000917.jpg40 over game
VCC win by 81 runs; 250 for 8
SCC 169 all out

Some time after the match, this report has been put off by me, Yuri, your humble comrade commissar Premier. Partially down to my work intensity and impending twins but also to my head straightening out the events of the match. There is no doubt that the VCC won fair and square. That kind of a margin is by no means an accident and by an examination of the figures the splendid knock of 101 that Atif Iqbal produced was stupendous. But in flashback I think we dropped a dozen catches. Two by me but many of us produced fantastic drops. Odd as we were so tight up until now.

Anyhow, here is a slightly cut price match report from a very tired Premier. Tiredness that cannot be visited upon our captain of the day, comrade commissar Marx. We were into the field first at the most beautiful cricket ground at Culford School cricket pitch in Suffolk. The weather was a mix of sunshine and cloud plus one or two brief spells of spittle. I always love that thatched pavilion.

Trickski swizzleoff and myself chucked a splendid load of overs first. The openers for VCC being Iqbal and Savitt, better known to ourselves as comrade commissar Jontin. At this point I will state only fact. there was disquiet at the delivery of over energetic bouncers at a Sunday match. Their presence disquieted Savitt and an abrupt change in pace in the following over presented a catch to Busteroff off myself. But the whole effect was disquieting across the afternoon to some degree greater or small.

Iqbal was glorious and batted in nicely. Winn replaced Savitt but was LBW from Trickski. There was a call for LBW against Iqbal which was questionably not given, but the question is always asked fairly for one team and unfairly for the other and normally in equal measure.

Oppo Stocko was caught behind off ChipMunkski for 17 then a lull as Iqbal carried on. captain Marx owned Patel for 28 then his son Busteroff saw Yorke caught behind for 10. A retirement for Iqbal at 101. One cannot be more grateful for a sportsmanlike withdrawal from the field!! Top marks though, Iqbal.


Soldya dispatched Cobra caught behind and then bowled Ewing. Good bowling comrade commissar. Then the last wicket was Williams caught Soldya off comrade Yankeroff, aka Hirst. The VCC total now 250 with 101 from one man.

The detail hidden in the brevity is the catching which was shocking. I can say that so boldly as I dropped two. The first was a hopeless back track off one of my own balls, backing up I was aware of impending stumps and my anus. Got fingers but dropped. The second a fast bounce out at middle on. Crap. And sadly I was not alone and many of us rejected the nasty all rather than hold onto it. Ah well.

And so to bat and all we have before us is a miserly 250. Openers were comrade commissar captain Marx and son, Busteroff. We were off and our captains stoical style provided Buster with a familiar foil. There work fended off opening bowlers Flew and Bear and brought in Wynn and Hitu. The former taking Busteroff for 40 caught. Sewelski in and then run out off Hitu. The decision was questioned but accepted with stiffened Candour and before bedtime, all were friends. A bit.

Now the younger Marx, Trickski comes in. This then edged the score along to 117 with Trickski scoring 38 until caught off Hitu. The opening now filled by Robski whose improving scores have been a splendid source of reassurance. An always welcome double figure of 14 from Robski was terminated from a stumping off Cobra. Brandonovski was determined to bed in with Dorothy the dotter specialist and in surprise produced a boundary four. But Cobra twirled a twizzler and he was caught Atif for 4.

Yankeroff and ChipMunkski were in and out all too soon all off Cobra. And Captain Marx was taken off York for 43. Soldya produced a couple of boundary 4s and will be dreaming of those for some time and watched Ilyeva and myself come in and out, my trailing back foot again providing a bouncing obstacle for the ball to hit the stumps. That was our lot, all out.

So comrades, what do we draw from this. Firstly, face the pain and write the match report very soon after so that the memory is clearer and less glib. Secondly, more field practice again. Thirdly, let us retain the desire to have fun first and foremost and stick the Sunday ethic. But apart from that, let us not forget that we did score 169 which is not rubbish and that if we had held some of those catches, we may have had a significantly better result.

Onwards comrades to Somerset. That game looks like it will be a superb SCC outing. We shall be ardently SCC in makeup and consequently perhaps, more fragile. But let us redouble our efforts, brush up our banter and break out the beers and schnapps!

Do Svidaniya comrades! Yuri

2013 VCC innings
2013 VCC innings

2013 SCC Innings Versus VCC
2013 SCC Innings v VCC