Tag: VCC

MATCH REPORT: SCC v VCC 6th May 2018 – Hampstead Heath

VCC won by 27 runs.
VCC final score was 163 all out off 38 overs and 5 balls.
SCC final score 136 all out off 36 overs. 

SCC v VCC at Hampstead Heath Extension on Sun 6 May 18

Captain’s Match Report written by Comrade Vladimir Boringski aka Charlie Richards aka Charlie the Choker.

It was that time of year again when we take on our capitalist rivals the VCC. It was a hot day again this year, although not quite as warm as the sweltering heat wave we battled through in June last year.

Hampstead Heath extension

Captain Vlad aka Charlie the Choker won the toss against VCC Captain Dan Benn and decided to field first in a game of 40 overs each way. As we took to the field Martin Stockman (Stocko) and Don Ewing of the VCC were the first batsman to appear at the crease. Malik Suleman aka Malikski aka Malik the Magnificent was our first attack bowler to charge at the VCC, pounding the ball down with all of his usual vigour, speed and swerve to try to outflank the capitalists. 5 overs of the best he gave, and almost got Don Ewing’s wicket, but unfortunately Vlad dropped a catch hard pelted against him at silly mid off. Dan Woodhouse aka Dacha aka Dangerous Dan gave 5 overs of the best from the other end. Shortly before the 10th over was bowled SCC newcomer Alex Williams aka Alex the Avenger sustained an injury, dislocating his shoulder as he valiantly raced to save a boundary ball. He was ubered off to hospital, and we had a break for drinks. Get well soon Alex! Andrew Foster 12th man stepped in to the breach.

Back on the field again Phil Richardson aka Yuri the Premier aka Phil the Phantasmic took over from Malik and bowled 8 overs of his phantasm. From the other end John Hirst aka Yankers aka John the Jostler made his debut of the season and bowled 6 overs in great style. The first breakthrough came in the 13th over when he bowled a beautiful delivery which beat Stocko to hit his leg stump. Yuri then took over in the 14th over by taking the wicket of Leo Popplewell-Cocklewell which was wonderfully caught by Dacha. Not satisfied with this he then bowled Stuart Bamford (Bam Bam) in his next over (16th over). The batsman was not happy about this dismissal labelling it a ‘Dambusters bouncing bomb delivery’ and East – West tension started to grow, but it was upheld by the umpire and the rule book. [Ed: Comrades,we were wrong: Cricket law 21  ] We must make amends.

Tom Hodder aka Hodderoff aka Tom the Terrible took over from Yankers. Instead of his normal medium fast deliveries he bowled spin today with devastating effect. In a spectacular performance he took 4 wickets. In the 23rd over at his second delivery he felled the mighty Don Ewing with a top catch from Dan March aka Soldya aka Dan the Dastardly. Don had scored 43 runs in a well measured innings. Over his remaining 5 overs Tom bowled out the VCC captain Dan Benn with a beautiful delivery, and then went on to bowl Kiki Fish and Gibson. Well done Hodderoff, a great performance and also many Happy Returns for your birthday yesterday! Soldya then took over the bowling from Phil the Phantasmic and bowled 5 overs of magic and mystery, beguiling the batsman so they found it hard to play him. He took the wicket of Dave Wilcox LBW in a decision that even umpire Stocko could not refuse, putting to an end his 30 run reign.

Dacha and Malik returned again to finish off the opposition, Dacha bowling out the final 2 batsmen Yorke and Western like a warm knife through butter. I would also like to note that amidst the usual strong fielding performances, of note was Malcom Hercus aka Malkovich aka Malcolm the Murderer who put in a fantastic effort in speed, agility, and a desire to win. Also well done to Peter Brandon aka Brandonovski aka Peter the Poker aka the mighty stumper for his efforts as wicket keeper.

VCC final score was 163 all out off 38 overs and 5 balls.

Soldya was suffering for his art

After the tea break SCC opening batsmen Vlad the Impaler and Tom the Terrible took to the field. Vlad had put Tom in to open as a belated birthday present, but would it be a poisoned chalice? He himself felt tired after 40 overs in the hot field attempting to make the correct decisions. The captain’s advice was slow and steady, 4 runs per over, doable, but we would have to work for it. Sadly neither the captain at number 1 nor Tom the Terrible at number 2 heeded this advice, swinging at the ball with 4’s and 6’s in what would normally have been a time to see themselves in. The VCC opening bowlers Don Ewing and Stuart Bamford were not to be taken lightly, but somehow the openers got away with this tactic for 11 overs gaining a partnership of 74 runs before Hodderoff was finally bowled out by spinner Gibson for an impressive 30 runs. Malik the Magnificent came in next and scored a lovely timed 4 off a delivery that was headed for middle stump. Sadly Gibson the spinner struck again and bowled Malik shortly after with Malik getting an inside edge onto the stumps. Jonty vice Captain aka Walrus aka Jonty the Jugular then came in to bat amidst boos and bronx cheers from the VCC who accused him of turncoat tendencies. So keen was he to get off the mark and not be out for a duck to the VCC that he sped his first run at a pace which would have had Usain Bolt pulling hamstrings in both legs, and Vlad the Inhaler had to rift himself with all speed to avoid a runout. After this hurdle was over, Jonty endured the VCC banter, and although being bowled by Bam Bam for only 3 runs, he solidified his position and maintained his honour. Yankers was next to come in and scored a superb 24 runs over most of the rest of the innings, including a 6 for good measure, eventually being stumped off Popplewell-Cocklewell’s bowling. However, the run rate had slowed down by this point as the SCC hit a sticky session, and it looked like we were running out of time. Dacha scored 6 runs including a 4 and a 2 in a short but valiant attempt to heal the rot before being bowled by Popplewell-Cocklewell, with Soldya unfortunately falling to the same fate shortly after. Brandonovski was bowled by Bam Bam for 2 runs in another attempt at a solidifying innings. Malkovich then came in to play some beautiful strokes, scoring 7 runs all off singles, finally caught off Popplewell-Cocklewell’s bowling. Andrew Foster aka Andreivitch aka Andrew the Arranger at 10 was then out bowled first ball from Yorke’s delivery, in his debut batting performance for the SCC (a good communist beginning). Phil the Phantasmic came in at number 11, but too late, and retired at 0 not out.

SCC final score 136 all out off 36 overs. Therefore VCC won by 27 runs.

A good effort, comrades, not quite enough to beat the capitalists, but every cloud has a silver lining and our loss may have lessened somewhat the East – West tension. Some teams are guilty of the sack of curts title, but hopefully not the SCC. Last year we won, this year we lost. We live to fight another day. Onwards and upwards Comrades! I would like to nominate as man of the match Tom Holder / Hodderoff / Tom the Terrible for a magnificent 4 wickets and 30 runs!


MATCH REPORT – VCC v SCC – 18th June 2017


5 wickets, 139 in 24 overs
VCC running 138 in 30 overs

Comrades, vice-captain on the day, Soldya (Dan March) presents you with his lyrical match report:

In homage to Lewis Carroll please find a match report in verse:

18th June. Hampstead Heath.

The Walrus & the Vladinator.

Hampstead Heath Extension

The sun was shining on the Heath,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The willows smooth and bright–
And this was odd, because it was
mid- June, which is normally shite.

The VCC was whining sulkily,
Because they thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After play had begun–
“It’s very rude of him,” they said,
“To come and spoil the fun!”

Dacha was fast as fast could be,
Soldya was slow as slow.
You could not see a run because
No run came from willow:
No sixes were flying overhead–
There were no sixes for show.

The Walrus and the Wazza
Started to make a stand:
But Wazza wept like anything to see
Malky’s slip catch go to hand:
“If he had, what I like to call, dropped it,”
Walrus said, “it would be grand!”

“0 Simon, come and bat with us!”
The Walrus did beseech.
“A pleasant walk, a pleasant run,
Along the green-grass pitch:
We can do with many a four,
To put us out of reach.”

The future SCC bat did look at him,
But never a word said he;
The future Commie winked his eye,
And shook his Newbury–
Meaning to say he did not choose
To sign up for the VCC.

As forty one runs Si hurried up,
the Walrus in the heat –
His face all flushed, his whites all crushed,
retired, on twenty nine, dead beat,—
Then he lay down under the marquee,
A big, slab of Capitalist meat.

Dacha – Nippling cricketer

Another wicket fell to Dacha’s blast,
Lbw Willcox for six, no more;
And thick and fast they came at last,
Si caught Will bowled Yuri, hear the roar!
All running to congratulate the catch,
And the slowing of the score.

The Walrus still lay prone
As Malky’s maiden wicket struck,
Cem for two runs alone
Pouched Harrison with skill not luck:
And all the little VCC’s stood
And muttered a silent ‘fuck’.

“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of, what I call, spikes–and slips–and linseed-wax–
Of dot balls–and stumpings–
And why Hampstead’s boiling hot–
And whether pigs have wings.”

“But wait a bit,” the VCC cried,
“Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And the Don is yet to bat!”
“No hurry!” said the Charlie.
They thanked him much for that.

“The SCC are falling apart,” the Walrus cried,
Sewelleski bowling with grunts and width:
Don racking up fifteen runs
Looking for a sixteenth–
Then Yuri returning to the fray,
Bowled him – the man, the myth.

Steve and Darren completed the score,
1-3-8 the total to chase.
After such fielding, and bowling
Not one SCC did disgrace
“The score is fine,” the Walrus said,
Sweat pouring from his face.

And so t’was time for tea to come!
The sarnies were very nice!
The players said nothing but
“Water please with extra ice!”
The sun still blazed upon them all–
Sunburn (and match fee) their price.

“It seems a shame,” the Brando said,
“To play them such a trick.
After we’ve brought them out so far,
And got them out so quick!”
The Walrus said nothing but
“My head feels what I call, very thick!”

And so the Vlad and Analich
Strode manly to the crease
The Anal one returning soon
His bails had been released
The Don had bowled him by surprise
At zero his score did cease.

Henry Kelly enjoys a
drink – remember him?

Commie Vlad batted valiantly on
Young Harrison by his side
A mop of hair, nine runs, then out,
So Malkovich to the middle did stride
Off the mark – the joy -then Wazza -oh boy,
The death rattle – Malky’s innings died.

As Vlad stroked eleven glorious fours
Brando arrived just oozing ‘cricket’!
Taking guard, imperious, such confidence
Blocking two, just the ticket.
Then Wazza once more (future SCC for sure)
Got our comrade leg before wicket (and very plum!)

Ah Sewellski – wielding bat like twig
A four, three more, then woe!
Willcox turned him inside out
And back to the marquee he must go.
Seventy for five. Things not looking great.
Young Ruboneoff entered the show.

“I weep for me,” the Walrus said:
“I deeply sympathize.”
With sobs and tears from his sick bed
He saw the Commie total rise,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

“O Commies,” said the VCC,
“You’ve hit another run!
Shall we be trotting home again?”
But answer came there none–
And this was scarcely odd, because
The SCC had absolutely battered them – Yes. WE’D WON!

SCC Victors and the VCC
18 June 2017


Comrades, the VCC scoring of our bowling is really a bit of a mess and overs have been attributed all over the place. PLEASE advise me of your corrections ASAP!


VCC v SCC 18 June 2017
SCC Innings


VCC v SCC 18 June 2017
VCC innings


Tim Graham memorial cap

Tim Graham memorial cap
Tim Graham memorial cap


PLEASE PLEASE put your order in for the Tim Graham Memorial Cap, as designed by VCC Head Of Creativity Jools Roberts.
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