Category: Match Reports

A round up of past matches and 20/20s!

3 June 20154 June 2015 By Ad Min

MATCH REPORT: PSCC v SCC 16th May 2015

DRAW of timed game
PSCC scoring 213 for 5 over 38 overs
SCC scoring 100 for 9

Match report by comrade commissar adjutant and captain on the day, Soldya, Dan March.

THE PENN IS NOT MIGHTIER THAN THE LORD (JONTIN)

Ahh Communists – this is the tale of how the Collective fought valiantly that sunny Saturday of 16th May. Into the valley of Amersham rode, strode and err ‘goed’ The Eleven of the SCC – travelling all the way to zone 9 (and beyond) to the land of the Penn Streeters.

Lord Walrus Jontin Black Knight the Third (Son of Stalin) did lose the toss and they elected to bat. A timed game ruled that we should bowl as many as we could/should until 4.30ish and then after tea we should be bowled at until they could stand no more.

Thus the opening bowling partnership of Hodderov and Chipmunski did let rip with some pure communistic deliveries – deserving wickets (but life isn’t always fair eh comrades?) the pair did succeed in restricting their opening partnership of Sutherland and Mitchell to 53 off 12 overs. In fact Chipmunski’s first 8 overs only cost 22 runs – any gulag would be proud of such miserliness. An inspired bowling change by our glorious capitalist leader brought Hooperov to the fore and he duly delivered with a brace of fine wickets – each bowled victim having just been preceded by a dropped catch (lulling the Penns into our leader’s trap) – his 4 overs, 2 for 10 even more deserving of praise as he was nursing an injury. This was accompanied by some excellent fielding from Boringski off Chipmunski’s bowling – picking the ball up beautifully in mid-wicket his pin-point throw to Robski and dithering running from Mitchell meant a fine run-out and suddenly Penn St were reduced to 63 for 3…could this be our day Comrades?

In a word – No. Exton and Martin compiled a steady 50 partnership, although our glorious leader Jontin Stalingrad Jontinovski the Eighth could/should/would have had an LBW or two but their imperialist umpires were unmoved. Then somehow – perhaps inspired by his Captain’s faith in giving him a six over spell – Soldya fashioned a delivery which pitched outside off but spun in to remove all three stumps…errr,well actually just tickling the bails off (which is how our leader likes it) and thus they were 117-4. Was there hope Comrades? Again the word is ‘No’ – as Adams joined Exton to bludgeon all we could throw at them. After one mighty six the ball was lost for several minutes in the woods which reduced the number of overs they could face – ah the joys of a timed game! This then became Jontin’s new master plan and we duly lost the ball on two, if not three, further occasions. There were some difficult chances dropped in the field with balls flying like bullets (something our Captain is no stranger to) however one fine, wondrous catch was a thing of beauty to behold: Soldya, in the final over, was lofted high, high, ever higher into the air and Chipmunski (in the perfect field position) steadied himself with admirable Left-wing calmness and pouched a corker! Joy unconfined as the pair had put on nearly 100 in 12 overs – ouch! The final score of 213-5 would have been higher had it not been for fine athletic fielding all round with special mention to Sewellski, new blood Analich and Cobramovich’s right buttock. A stiff total to beat but our Captain confided in me that he had no fear.

An excellent match tea, including a rather delightful fruit salad, stiffened our sinews (pleasing our glorious leader) for the fight and our opening comradely partnership of Cobramovich and Hooperov looked majestic and unbeatable in the middle. At 17- 0 off 6 overs the pair were easing in to a long and match winning partnership when…what was this? An appeal for LBW?… the umpire raised his finger and Cobra must return to his Siberian snake charmer’s lair – our hissing comrade suffering double vision over the decision, perhaps caused by his throbbing buttock. Ah but Boringski – fresh from his excellent innings against LMS was sure to steady the ship…but luck was not on his side as Goodie took his second wicket with the ball not bouncing and somehow flicking onto the stumps – dreadful luck. Brandonovski then strode to the wicket fresh from his umpiring duties and returned not long after having failed to trouble the scorer. The SCC were 33-3 off 16, not a million miles behind Penn St at this stage. However their first change bowler Adams (the self-same Adams who plundered 58 from 32 deliveries) ripped the heart – but never the spirit – out of the SCC batting line-up. In his opening spell he dismissed Analich (another LBW), Sewellski ( third highest scorer with 6) and Jontin (his bails ripped off behind his back – damn those Imperialist swine). When Wartack returned to bowl Robski for a big fat zero, poor comrade Hooperov had seen 7 valiant comrades fall. But young Hodderov is made of sterner stuff and the two seemed set fair to bat out the remaining overs. But disaster! Oh ye Communist Gods (if they existed) how could ye do this to us – after 57 scintillating runs Hooperov hit his own stumps with still 6 overs to face. With Soldya nervously walking to the crease it seemed that all hope was gone – a streaky edged 4 through the slips put hearts in mouths but somehow he and the excellent Hodderov negotiated the next 5 overs…the final over and Adams returned to the fray. His second ball a rip snorting yorker and Hodderov had to depart. Step forward Chipmunski – (with Soldya at the non-striker’s end bravely shouting ‘Please don’t run, you take the last 4 balls’) – another rip snorting yorker – blocked brilliantly, and another – blocked, and another – blocked…one ball to come…wayward, down leg side – but the umpire doesn’t signal wide (oh brave leftist umpiring)…and it is A DRAW comrades…a mighty, mighty draw. Fine captaincy, excellent fielding and resolute defence has ensured that the Penn can not write another victory in their scorebook. WELL DONE SCC. Semper soldales, fors et victores.

22 September 2014 By Ad Min

MATCH REPORT: Brighton Xiles CC v SCC 14th September 2014

SCC won by 35 runs in a 35 over match
SCC scoring 207 for 5
BXCC scoring 172 (all out for 8)

AGAIN, VICTORY COMRADES!!!

Words I find have left me and I am devoid of exemplary gratitude and praise as there is none sufficient to bestow the gratitude the polite bureau wishes to bestow upon this team! To a comrade, I, Yuri, salute you and send my heartiest back-pats. In short, I love you!

This report fresh in from skipper of the day, comrade commissar captain Cobramovich:

COSMO & CATCHES CRUSH CAPITALISTS

Soho Cricket Collective (207-4) beat Brighton Xiles (172 all out) in 35-over match.

East Brighton Park, Sunday 14^th September 2014: Soho won the toss and batted first….5 hours later, as Xiles’ last wicket fell to Vlad The Impaler’s left-leaning leg-spin, an eerie, stunned silence from the shell-shocked South Coasters greeted the mighty Communists’ 3^rd victory of the season!

Herewith follows a Pravda-tabloid sketch of how – in batting order – each of the 9 Heroes of Lenin contributed to this cataclysmic result, that surely sent Brighton bookies scampering up the South Downs. in embarrassed retreat..

GEN FRANCOV COBRAMOVICH

Snivelling. cowardly, vodka-addled, this washed-up old trooper still somehow manages to maintain an acceptable front to the masses. Surely destined for the salt mines soon however. Took 55 balls to accumulate a pathetic 17. Bowled 1 over of girly double-bouncers and flounced around, clearly stoned, in the field.

From Soldaya:
Comrade Cobramavitch 4 sickles!
An outstanding contribution. A Stalingrad-esque batting performance helping to put on our greatest opening partnership (Tzar – please check all stats but I cannot recall a greater opening stand). His fielding was of a comrade half his age and his bowling trickery outfoxed one of the capitalist scum – much to our Comraderly joy. If only Comrade Jontin had been there to give him his usual support!

COSMONAUT DAGIEV
In contrast, a real Soviet athlete. Blasted 100, humoured his pansy opening ‘partner’ Ceevich along the way, and then retired in a brilliantly witty spoof of the ludicrous ‘English Gentleman’. Bowled 7 overs and took 3 glorious wickets. Double-sweet performance, as ‘Daggers’ has apparently rejected transfer-advances from blue-rinse Brighton Xiles.

TOMASZ HODDEROV
Young gun was cheated of his wicket by dastardly Dave ‘Bull’ Hooper – the Xiles keeper knocking off the bails and claiming a clean-bowled, but responded with an utterly fearsome fielding and fast- bowling performance. A nerveless top catch at deep square crowned a great day for Tomasz the tyro!

SIBERIAN TIGER
Our new big-hitting no.4 blasted 20 – our second-highest individual score today – in a brutal 72-run, 9-over partnership with Cosmo Dagiev, then took a fabulous low catch at short mid-on. Awarded club cap before the game, in yet another publicity stunt by disgraced Lt Gen Cee’vich..Well deserved though!

VLAD BORINGSKI
Classic all-rounder example of the re-educated Russian aristo: 17 not out batting, 3 wickets in just 2 overs bowling, pristine white shirt, and entertainingly ribald stories during the drive home. For all this, he deserves the state return of his spooky Transylvanian castle. Hail Vlad The Impaler!

PETR BRANDONOVSKI
The modern epitomy of a grim Donetsk Depression coal miner, Vice skip ‘Brando’ not only took – and shone with – the gloves, but also energetically cajoled the team to greater heights and tactical nous throughout the fielding session. Chipped in a useful cameo batting with the Bolshevik blade too.

ASIF TIGERETTESKOV
Siberian Tiger’s mathematician brother, on debut, showed why he is being head-hunted as the Motherland’s next Minister of Finance: Quirky, sociable, empathetic, wordly, wisdom-filled and super-intelligent, he batted late on with aplomb before again waiting his chance – then bowling an unpredictably quixotic spell at the death, to confound the craven capitalists.

YANKEROV
What a servant of all the Soviets! Did not bat, but stayed honed and alert enough to deliver a long, strangulating opening spell with the ball – and a supreme deep fielding performance to boot. An exemplarily selfless sportsman. Yank-off-worthy to watch, in fact!

SOLDYA MAD HATTER FOR A ROUBLE
A player who struggles, like Ballotelli perhaps, with the after-dark temptations of degenerate Capitalism, but who nevertheless always comes through for The Cause. Like Yankers, Soldya did not get to wield the willow today, but never complained. Instead, he tormented the Tory Xiles with his bowling from the off – producing his full portfolio of tweak-trickery, before snaffling a sumptuous catch at the fave fielding position he has made his own, short extra (Commie) ccver.

Do Svidaniya!

19 September 2014 By Ad Min

MATCH REPORT CHESHAM BOIS V SCC 31st AUGUST 2014

CBCC win at 122 for 2
SCC at 119 for 9
40 over not timed

There is an air of the grotto about Chesham Bois’ pitch. A little grotto of cricket where we turn up each year and ask Santa for something special. He hasn’t yet delivered to be honest, at least not with a victory. But in terms of welcome and fun, he has provided ten-fold. And there was no rain or drizzle to be seen! So we all got ourselves prepared and found ourselves in bat. I was late, so Vice Cobramovich limbered up and walked out to open with Vlad. What a pair. What a challenge and a great start too. Slow and steady was required and so it was. As captain, I got my order wrong. We slowed too much and gave ourselves a hill to climb.

Vlad took an impressive 28 with a 3 fours and a six. Cobramovich and Chipmonkski notching 19 and 18. Then a lovely 25 from Samovar with a six to boot! But from our overs we had found only 119 and we knew they were going to be tough to budge.

This is where a rigorous, cricket tea talk-down is required, and many fingers were wagged, many tongues loosened, huffty shoulders were shrugged and terse accusations insinuated. All very un-SCC but as we see too much of a smile in each others’ grimace, we returned happier to the field to set about their bats.

CBCC_Dark_Pavilion — The last light for cricket

Facing Withams and Holloway is bound to loosen the surrounding branches and despite an almost fierce opening by myself and Chipmonkski, it wasn’t happening. Being a forgetful Skipper I only bowled five and not the six overs I had planned but it didn’t hurt as we needed a change. My five overs cost 26 and Chipmonkski’s 36. So Yankerhoff and Jontin in. The former saving some face and taking The Golden Duck of Green through a catch – cannot remember who took it. Anyone?

An over each to Brandonoffski and Altmananov. Now a word must be said and a congratulatory one too, to comrade Altmananov! He doesn’t play too often as he under special duties on the Eastern Front. What he does for the mother country is secret with only millions of people knowing. However, when he can, he plays. Rarely yet, he gets a chance to bowl for we prefer to keep his unique delivery weapon under-wraps. But today he bowled and pitched a corker that tempted Holloway to deliver a catch to Samovar. We salute Altmananov!

They had us beat in 15 overs. We just weren’t up to top speed today. However, we dod have a quick and fun 10/10 match after to play some more which was a nice offer. Although we lost that too. But once again, my lovelies, as I said in to comrade commissar Brandonoffski in a pub once, “I don’t want the SCC to turn into some kind of lethal, winning machine!” (Please correct me Pete!)

Do Svidaniya!