Tag: Robski

SCC 2013 Awards

Honarary Member Zipperoff struggles with Cobramovich
Honorary Member Zipperoff struggles with Cobramovich for possession!


The season flashed passed us like a swallow on the wing, the summer yielding to autumn and now the chilled bite of winter. And so we were to mark the close of the season with our trophy award and certificates of merit. The Union club was the haunt of choice and a goodly crowd of comrades were present. The drinks were accompanied by lashings of food, predominantly chips.

So who won what? Well here is the list of victorious comrades: In no particular order we shall start with Most Improved Comrade who for this season is Ilyeva Lunch-hour! aka Olivier Lauchenauer. A well earned merit as his batting average improved mightily from last season and his athleticism in the field was overshadowed only by his dogged determination.

Soldya Oldcarlastnight, Dan March, scooped Most Wickets from Bowling for 2013. He may cost a little more than some but like an expensive bathroom fixture, he buffs up nicely and can get you wet all over.

Most catches in the Field award to Marx-B! Superb year for one of our captains and it was accompanied by Mark Blackledge’s Captaincy Merit Certificate which makes him a most delighted victor.

Other Captaincy Merit Awards went to Cobramovich, Tim Graham. To Yuri Pedeez, otherwise known as Premier Yuri and for the first time to comrade Jontin, Jon Savitt. Despite being absent for the awards, Jontin is very chuffed to receive it for his first outing at Lindfield this season. And if that wasn’t enthusiastic for comrade Jontin, he won the award for the most runs in the season – congratulations comrade.

Robski 2013 Comrades' Comrade
2013 Comrades’ Comrade

Another sterling year for Robski, Rob Dixon as he was awarded the Season’s Most Keeper’s Wickets. But that was nothing in the face of who won The Comrades’ Comrade Trophy for 2013 ….. Which Robski also won! Well done comrade. You may be quietly always sat behind the wicket and just getting on with getting on but you are highly respected comrade and we salute you! Congratulations!!

So that is that for the season and we shall soon announce the AGM date and the match schedule for next season, and so the wheel turns. Do Svidaniya, comrades!

Match Report: Badlesmere XI CC v SCC Saturday 1st June 2013

40 over game, retire at 100 n/o
Badlesmere XI win by 99 runs; 253 for 3
SCC 154 all out

Belmont House Cricket Ground
Belmont House Cricket Ground

Comrade Commissar Ileyva Lunchourov looked disconsolately from the rain-splattered window of his Zil limousine as it passed Belmont House. These sickening capitalists and their decadent displays of faded, historic, exploitative wealth! This accurse-sed exile!! How he longed once again for the honest grit of the Donbass coalfield and the long-lost, brotherly self-respect afforded him by the heroic miners of the glorious cause.

In the following convoy of black cars, Altmananov’s eyes also narrowed with politico-philosophical distrust as he passed the fascists’ mansion, then Brandonovski’s, and so on, until all 11 of the Soviet cavalcade had traversed the centre of the former great rural estate, on the last lap to the battlefield. Only Jontin, himself rescued by the Red forces from his defiantly aristocratic parents, as a mere toddler during the Great Uprising, seemed to betray a furtive glimpse of distant longing in his dark eyes, as he fleetingly surveyed the stone monolith. His balding, burly State driver surely noticed, but as always remained silent…

An hour later, Supreme Leader ‘Tzar’ (not in the pre-1917 sense you understand, but perhaps we remain essentially a peasant people, at once ever seeking, loving and fearing a Supreme Leader?) Yuri Pedeez, having inserted the Kentish opposition, the Collective were staring into a cricketing abyss: An unreconstructed Badlesmere Occasionals opening batsman – De Moubray, surely an unapologetic exploiter of the masses – was nearing his half-century, clubbing the hissing Cobramovich to the leg-side boundary at will. Hirstheryankov, Samovar, Sewellski and new convert Mullertov Cocktail also all battled hard with their crimson balls to remove this Western ogre; but none could – and the vile Enemy Of The People only retreated once he had passed his debut 100.

I would rather pick my ear than score any more!

In fact, despite some excellent fielding on the big stately home pitch, including Ileyva and Altmananov both bravely taking nasty knocks for the team, we were nevertheless only able to dispatch 3 other capitalists to the Gulag. The highlight for this humble Pravda propagandist being Cosmonaut Sewellski’s wicket: The Blakes 7 oligarch’s rangy bowling quickly eliciting a fine catch at short extra cover from (the clearly surprised) Yuri.

At least we remained cosy in the drizzle-threatening gloom, thanks – courtesy Quartermaster Brandonovski – to our freshly delivered new club sweaters, emanating pungent wafts of Ural Mountain sheep wool. The aroma drifted dreamily over the North Downs and soulfully compounded our deep desire for a return to the Motherland. Meanwhile, by tea a brutal target of 253 had been set us Russians by the Imperialists.

Orthodox blessings then upon the strawberry meringues served, such a guilty bourgeois pleasure for this simple son of the black Ukrainian soil. I justified my corrupted treachery by observing that at least they were partly Red in colour.

I am that bored
I am that bored

With a run-rate in excess of 6 an over required for victory, could perhaps our openers, the in-form Arctic Monster of frozen Arkangel, Jontin – fresh from his Collective record-topping individual score of 77 at Penn Street – and big-hitting ‘keeper Robski, build a platform quickly enough to topple the decadents? Nyet! Robski, then Sewellski, both fell to the ghastly Shirley. Russians, felled for year zeros by a man with a woman’s name. Readers, reflect for a moment on the shame in zat zentence…

Mullertov entered, rather curiously swishing his hips while holding his bat parallel with both hands, possibly in a deranged effort to attract ‘Shirley’ with a courtship dance. Or was it a warm up? Western corruption after all is insidious, and we must always be on our guard against it.

Dear Mum, can I come home now?
Dear Mum, can I come home now?

Spaseba though, our number 4 soon got down to honest work, over a full 97 minutes crafting a Caspian Sea-size 3rd wicket partnership of 105 with Jontin, before finally falling on his sickle in the 24th over for a fine 41. Jontin lasted another half-hour, ratcheting up the score to a near respectable 128-5, at which point he was roostered by Cockerel. (Party-approved word play at an idiotic enemy’s expense, meerkats.) 9 fours, on a tricky wicket and sticky outfield, went towards Jontin’s heroic 72: Another consecutive huge score for the Walrus of the Tundra! Surely the Order of Lenin awaits him at the Union Club in November.

From the remaining batsmen only Samovar, his yogic mysticism tolerated by our gloriously godless regime, could reach double figures; but, facing tidy Badlesmere bowling throughout, it was still encouraging for the future to see The Collective fall just one ball short of batting out the entire allocated 40 overs, the ever-improving Lunchourov cruelly being given LBW on the 5th ball of the final over.

So, 154 all out – a defeat by 99 runs, and surely we had the last grim laugh: The depraved Westerners could not manage to beat us by a hundred. A moral victory for Communist Cricket, Comrades!

Many thanks to all of you comrades and all at Badlesmere. Thank you cmr cms Cobramovich for a startling, incisive, accurate and spine tingling match report, too! – Yuri



Badlesmere v SCC june 2013 - us
Badlesmere v SCC june 2013 – us

Match Report: SCC v BAFTA CC/SCC 20/20 Friday 3rd May 2013

BAFTA CC/SCC beat SCC by 64 runs
20/20 match


SCC team v BAFTA 3 may 2013
SCC team v BAFTA 3 may 2013

The season has begun. The sun shone bright and this small corner of Ham, nestling alongside the Thames became our battleground. For a municipal pitch it was actually rather attractive, lined as it was on all sides by trees, horses and the entrance gate to Ham House. Even the outfield threatened little risk of a broken ankle, wicket was also reasonable though dull.

BAFTA CC needed supplementing by SCC members so we brought about fifteen along and were able to get a match on, which was after all the whole point of the season, cricket! Pitch was laid out and the PAWS were soon sat in expectant excitement.

SCC fielded first and due to commencement running late, there was already a feeling of time pressure. Myself and New comrade Tomsk (Tom Mayhew) opened the bowling and tried to keep things calm. Very quickly it became clear that S.Tommy (?) was a good bat and was finding sixes and fours from the first seven overs. Bennettov was donated to BAFTA and opened alongside Tommy (really? Is that his name?) He was only just back from foreign travels and I think the foreign food may have influenced his performance. Good for us though and I hope he forgives me for keeping his score under check with tootsie bowling.

Comrade Chipmonkski Nibbed in ( Brother Tim Richardson). Tomsk moved back into the field having fought valiantly against Tommy and Bennetov over three overs for 22 runs. Chipmonkski had a fight but by now both bats had some eye in. The run rate stepped up and the mood drooped. Chipmonkski was joined in the battle with Soldya (Dan March) but Tommy was clattering briskly by now. Two slow medium pacers were too tempting and the traps set for a catch were never quite tight enough. The odd dropped catch… Ahh.

With Tommy passed 50 Samovar (Sam Kankamage) was called up. Bennettov adopted the impartiality of the BAFTA loan with fine aplomb and scored a lovely 25 before being caught delightfully by Jonty at mid wicket! The atmosphere was lifted. Our very own comrade captain commissar captain Marx popped up, again on loan to BAFTA. Sixteen scored not out.

BAFTA team 3 May 2013 v SCC
BAFTA team 3 May 2013 v SCC

The last few overs were quite tough to watch from the outfield but were blessed by fighting spirit and two great moments. Tomsk, who had been passing me every over as we travelled in and out, was brilliantly rushing in from the deep and pouched a lovely catch taking the wicket of Tommy for 104. A great score by him and a great catch by Tomsk. There were also two run outs the best being on the very last ball of the innings, seeing Robski clatter the stumps after a furious scrabble. Brilliant!

Brandonovski and Yuri Bromance
Brandonovski and Yuri Bromance

Even by the length of this report so far you can see that time had slipped by and the sun was beautiful, golden… And just about sunk below the west! We should have reduced overs? Who knows but it was so dark! Samovar and Tomsk were in first and both out very soon from sharp bowling by Miller. This bought Robski and myself in. Spotting a dark red ball against the sun at dusk against silhouetted trees is obviously not a great laugh and bouncers and medium fast bowling doesn’t help. But after Robski departed, Brandonovski and myself settled nervously down to a little Dorothy and a little hitting out. Two career bests followed ( career!!! lol) and saw Bennettov put up 20 and myself 12. We shall both be smiling for weeks.

Vladimir Boringski (Charlie Richards) and comrade commissar Treasurer Ilyeva produced scores of 18 and 8 respectively and if I am not wrong, that may have been Ilyeva’s best too. Quiet and solid. Well done both.

Scoreboard SCC v BAFTA 3may2013
Scoreboard SCC v BAFTA 3may2013

So BAFTA CC/SCC win 154 runs over 90 and congrats and good luck with the team and year ahead. Special mention to S.Tommy whose 104 was blinding and well deserved. Thanks To Ross too for being bold enough to start a BAFTA team and we hope to meet again on the field.

For me, comrade of the match?…. I think I shall nod to Brandonovski who projected his batting forward brightly into this new season. All the nets have made an enormous difference on the weaker part of last year’s games, the batting. Let’s keep it up comrades and have a great season. Semper Sodales, fors et victores!

Do Svidaniya

As ever, to amend any details in this report you have 30 days to do it! Let me know as I am only human. Thank you.

BAFTA innings 3May2013
BAFTA innings 3May2013
SCC innings 3May2013
SCC innings 3May2013