Tag: Belmont House

Match Report: Badlesmere XI CC v SCC Saturday 1st June 2013

40 over game, retire at 100 n/o
Badlesmere XI win by 99 runs; 253 for 3
SCC 154 all out

Belmont House Cricket Ground
Belmont House Cricket Ground

Comrade Commissar Ileyva Lunchourov looked disconsolately from the rain-splattered window of his Zil limousine as it passed Belmont House. These sickening capitalists and their decadent displays of faded, historic, exploitative wealth! This accurse-sed exile!! How he longed once again for the honest grit of the Donbass coalfield and the long-lost, brotherly self-respect afforded him by the heroic miners of the glorious cause.

In the following convoy of black cars, Altmananov’s eyes also narrowed with politico-philosophical distrust as he passed the fascists’ mansion, then Brandonovski’s, and so on, until all 11 of the Soviet cavalcade had traversed the centre of the former great rural estate, on the last lap to the battlefield. Only Jontin, himself rescued by the Red forces from his defiantly aristocratic parents, as a mere toddler during the Great Uprising, seemed to betray a furtive glimpse of distant longing in his dark eyes, as he fleetingly surveyed the stone monolith. His balding, burly State driver surely noticed, but as always remained silent…

An hour later, Supreme Leader ‘Tzar’ (not in the pre-1917 sense you understand, but perhaps we remain essentially a peasant people, at once ever seeking, loving and fearing a Supreme Leader?) Yuri Pedeez, having inserted the Kentish opposition, the Collective were staring into a cricketing abyss: An unreconstructed Badlesmere Occasionals opening batsman – De Moubray, surely an unapologetic exploiter of the masses – was nearing his half-century, clubbing the hissing Cobramovich to the leg-side boundary at will. Hirstheryankov, Samovar, Sewellski and new convert Mullertov Cocktail also all battled hard with their crimson balls to remove this Western ogre; but none could – and the vile Enemy Of The People only retreated once he had passed his debut 100.

I would rather pick my ear than score any more!

In fact, despite some excellent fielding on the big stately home pitch, including Ileyva and Altmananov both bravely taking nasty knocks for the team, we were nevertheless only able to dispatch 3 other capitalists to the Gulag. The highlight for this humble Pravda propagandist being Cosmonaut Sewellski’s wicket: The Blakes 7 oligarch’s rangy bowling quickly eliciting a fine catch at short extra cover from (the clearly surprised) Yuri.

At least we remained cosy in the drizzle-threatening gloom, thanks – courtesy Quartermaster Brandonovski – to our freshly delivered new club sweaters, emanating pungent wafts of Ural Mountain sheep wool. The aroma drifted dreamily over the North Downs and soulfully compounded our deep desire for a return to the Motherland. Meanwhile, by tea a brutal target of 253 had been set us Russians by the Imperialists.

Orthodox blessings then upon the strawberry meringues served, such a guilty bourgeois pleasure for this simple son of the black Ukrainian soil. I justified my corrupted treachery by observing that at least they were partly Red in colour.

I am that bored
I am that bored

With a run-rate in excess of 6 an over required for victory, could perhaps our openers, the in-form Arctic Monster of frozen Arkangel, Jontin – fresh from his Collective record-topping individual score of 77 at Penn Street – and big-hitting ‘keeper Robski, build a platform quickly enough to topple the decadents? Nyet! Robski, then Sewellski, both fell to the ghastly Shirley. Russians, felled for year zeros by a man with a woman’s name. Readers, reflect for a moment on the shame in zat zentence…

Mullertov entered, rather curiously swishing his hips while holding his bat parallel with both hands, possibly in a deranged effort to attract ‘Shirley’ with a courtship dance. Or was it a warm up? Western corruption after all is insidious, and we must always be on our guard against it.

Dear Mum, can I come home now?
Dear Mum, can I come home now?

Spaseba though, our number 4 soon got down to honest work, over a full 97 minutes crafting a Caspian Sea-size 3rd wicket partnership of 105 with Jontin, before finally falling on his sickle in the 24th over for a fine 41. Jontin lasted another half-hour, ratcheting up the score to a near respectable 128-5, at which point he was roostered by Cockerel. (Party-approved word play at an idiotic enemy’s expense, meerkats.) 9 fours, on a tricky wicket and sticky outfield, went towards Jontin’s heroic 72: Another consecutive huge score for the Walrus of the Tundra! Surely the Order of Lenin awaits him at the Union Club in November.

From the remaining batsmen only Samovar, his yogic mysticism tolerated by our gloriously godless regime, could reach double figures; but, facing tidy Badlesmere bowling throughout, it was still encouraging for the future to see The Collective fall just one ball short of batting out the entire allocated 40 overs, the ever-improving Lunchourov cruelly being given LBW on the 5th ball of the final over.

So, 154 all out – a defeat by 99 runs, and surely we had the last grim laugh: The depraved Westerners could not manage to beat us by a hundred. A moral victory for Communist Cricket, Comrades!

Many thanks to all of you comrades and all at Badlesmere. Thank you cmr cms Cobramovich for a startling, incisive, accurate and spine tingling match report, too! – Yuri



Badlesmere v SCC june 2013 - us
Badlesmere v SCC june 2013 – us

Match Report: Badlesmere v SCC 2nd June 2012

BadlesmereXI & SCC 2jun2012

Badlesmere XI win by 2 wickets scoring 167
SCC all out scoring 93
Timed game


This has clearly been some time coming due to the sheer weight of pressure of premier’ing you super collectivised cricket playing crazy folk. But here it is in some fashion. If you remember things differently, let me know!

Belmont House in Kent is unquestionably lovely and the ground there i think, is delightful. The pavilion a picture of Swiss mountain loveliness meets English country manor. Great!

Our host was the Badlesmere XI, presented to us by their star of shining dashingness, Ben Pullen. The day was sunny to the greater part and the boded very well for a super day of cricket.

SCC won the toss and elected to field first hoping for a nice high scoring pitch after some hours. Opening bats were Linfrith and Cotterill. Both succinctly caught by The Hatter, Dan March off Deano Scott for 1 and 4. So all looked to be going rather well, a nice tight opening bowling pair of Yuri [Philip Richardson] and Deano Scott which by the end of their spells had produced 4 wickets and 57 runs. Deano much cheaper than Richardson.

BADvSCC_BadInnings 2jun2012

Okay, funny story: P. Richardson’s (me!) overs were for 38 runs and more pricey that Deano’s but you got to witness a classic pitch collision. Delivery short and slow resulted in Falcon pitching up a short, high and slow off side putt. I was on it, intensely following the balls lofted excellence – “A caught and Bowled!!” I thought. “A hat-trick of catches!!!” thought Hatter. We were both blind sighted and the last thing I heard before I heard the crunch was a call of “Hatter’s!”. However, this was when we were an inch apart. Both down like a tonne of shit and Dan with a cut tongue and manly bleeding from the side of his mouth. I was dazed. Cobramski asked what happened to the ball and there it was, sat neatly in my hand. Sorry Hatter. Let us all learn from this – Not sure what.

BTW: Atkins caught for 14 by ? off Yuri P Richardson

Number five was Stephen was greased up a confident 41 before being taken by The Hatter, and then came the bat of “Master O” Pullen, Ben’s son. Hats off all around. Great little imp and was able to remain in until the end, not out and whacked and happy 36. Good luck, “Master O” and stick on the game. Move to Soho after college and we shall have you… in our team, that is!

Dad Ben was next and tickled 4 from our bowling but was facing Samovar, Sam Kankan. Again, Sam pulled some very pacey and accurate bowling out of the bag and knocked Pullen’s stumps out of the ground. He then followed on with long pressure until he took the wicket of Beagle for 15. Samovar 23 runs and 2 wickets off 7 overs. Nice work comrade.

The tail end produced only one more wicket, that of Botting. Wicket catch from Collective Freelancer, Jonty off Cobramski for 11. But “Master O” was resilient with Neil R. (who also took 21 runs out of us, and their overs were done.

OUR INNINGS next. Well, yes, they had 167. It wasn’t un-attainable but I suppose it wasn’t going to be easy. Openers were Jonty and Hatter. I have to say that Hatter had an unfortunate knock and was out for none, caught mid-on off Atkins. A bowler who, had 4 overs and cost only 3 runs, 2 maidens to the good and a wicket. Don’t be too upset Hatter! Jonty was stoical! Dot ball, dot ball, dot ball, slow and steady.

Peter Brandonovski next. We had to steady the wicket. Facing twenty balls plus, Brandonovski followed Jonty’s example until finally bowled Coterrill  for 3 runs. It steadied the field but I think we all began to think to chase was unlikely. The timed element bringing on the thought of, Oh-So-Familiar… A draw. Heads down. Robski Dixon in. MOre stoical defending and Dixon again faced over twenty balls to hedge a draw possibility. Our for 1 off Falcorn.

BADvSCC_SCC Innings 2jun2012

Samovar Sam next up. Some respect for our comrade who edged up a useful 22 until caught off Botting. Then Deanov Scottiev producing 16 off 11 balls until out off Botting for 16. These two batsmen generating at least some numbers on the board. Sewelski was valliant as ever and was unfortunate to leave the field for 1 off the dangerous “Master O” Pullen.

Cobramski was in. Bless you Cobra. There till the end not out and for 17 runs. We think to use terms like majestic and it’s so nice to see seasoned batting from yourself and comrade Jonty of VCC fame and infamy.

“Master O” Pullen was soon ride of the Richardson brothers, Chipmonkski for none and Yuri-P for 1. Not my usual tail end blocking, out from a superb, curling delivery. Must increase the size of my arse to pad off those leg side deliveries.

Freelancer Malkie was up finally and must be congratulated for at least pushing away four singles before out to Cotterill. No draw, another loss.

Comrades one and all. We must draw some good news from this match – Catches! We are improving very much in the field, so well done all. You are strong and together we are stronger. Now, if the rain would just bugger off?!

Yuri P

SCC 2012 Fixtures list

Linseed, mmmmm

My comrades, so many apologies I must heap upon the silence of the last few months. But i have had to deal with poop and only now do I feel worthy enough to rise up and provide you with some deal of premiership worth something more than not much at all! I stand before you, humble, as humble in quantity as Simon Cowell stands in arrogance before the world’s stage – so that’s really quite humble.

However, whilst the world was turning and mine was weaving, I did manage to get together the fixtures list for this year and that will follow. But first some other things of note:

  1. Comrade Commissar, Soldya Grandma (Dan March) will be on the telephone to you very soon for your subs. It’s changed this year, remember? You did read the minutes didn’t you, comrade? £40.00 is membership. Half goes immediately to charity – Royal Marsden and Parkinson’s . The other pays for all of the fun that has to get organised, the phone calls, the admin, the website, the stress, the preparing of orders for kit!!
  2. A full outline of this years Commissars is coming and their duties, so comrades, make use of them!
  3. Website improvements looming – Greater interaction, more pictures, comments etc.
  4. Kit design debate to be had.
  5. Inaugural drinks for 2012 – When, comrades. When?
  6. Outdoor nets begin very soon.
  7. Possible Lord’s training TBC.

But let’s go to this year’s fixtures list: PLEASE SEE EVENTS FOR LATEST NEWS – NOT THIS!




 6th August 2012  Lindfield CC  Lindfield, Sussex
 19th May 2012  PSCC v SCC  Pen Street
 24th May 2012  Mixed Royal Marsden v SCC  Surrey
 2nd June 2012  The Wheazers v SCC  Belmont House, Kent
 24th June 2012  VCC v SCC  Guest ground in Suffolk
 13th July 2012  Quantel v SCC  Welford Ground, Newbury
 12th August 2012  Ryde CC v SCC  Isle of Wight
 2nd September 2012  SCC v Chesham Bois CC  SCC Hyde Park – TBC
 15th September 2012  NFTS v SCC  Pen Street

As you see – more games than last year and some great venues. Still two to confirm and one home-ground to book (Hyde Park I think, with marquees!) … but none the less, a very Soho amount of Cricket!

More to come comrades … BUT RESERVE THOSE DATES

yours in Comrade Commissar Premier’ness,