Tag: Charlie Richards

MATCH REPORT – 4th MAY 2014 SCC v LMSCC

Francov Cobramovich
Francov Cobramovich

40 overs, timed.
LMSCC win by 6 wickets. 
SCC 98 all out

The sickening decadence of the leafy West London suburbs. Complacent, restrained wealth, without a hint of honest, hard-won Muscovite bling. Bird-tweety tree-lined streets. Faux classical bridges in a peaceful park. Happy young families untainted by grim service of the Motherland…Chis-Vick: You get the picture, nyet? The very non-Socialist setting for 2014’s first battle to crush colonialist capitalism at its only decent creation ever – apart from Ze Beatles – Crick-Et !

Yuri’s dog, the ludicrous, self-appointed ‘Lieutenant General’ Francov Cobramovich led the glorious Collective out to bat, accompanied by the Transylvanian classicist Vlad ‘Impaler’ Boringski. And how boring they indeed were, comrades! Nearly three-quarters of an hour spent Dorothying, dot-ing and generally pansying about with innumerable forward defensives and the like. Only the early season sunshine lifted the mood of your humble state scribe.

With the scoreboard on a turgid 27, Vladimir was himself impaled by none other than Altmanov, the latter bowling for LMS. But worry not comrades, the thespian National Treasure has not defected. Along with fellow gent Davidov Hannant of Brighton Xiles, Altmananov was most chivalrously guesting for the opposition, who had turned up under-strength.

Over the next 12 overs though, Vlad’s replacement, the towering Robski, rapidly accelerated the SCC score before his timbers were toppled. And soon after, blessed relief, so were Cobra’s, after an interminable 85 minutes out in the middle, largely spent posing in his White Russian helmet.

56-3 off 23; but with over an hour left to bat, seven wickets in hand, and some lusty, harvest-honed bladesmen to come, surely SCC could still notch a respectable score? However, the middle order – with the exception of big-hitting debutante Sametski Hodderin – had all evidently been too busy before their innings…flirting with the assembled summer-skirted, Soviet PAWS, to consider this most serious sporting question.

SCC v LMSCC Chiswick House
SCC v LMSCC
Chiswick House

One by one, Communist batters four, five, seven and eight each fell for year Zero. I shall not waste Pravda’s typewriter ink naming and shaming the culprits here. Our coach, former Sri Lankan international ‘Keithy’ will doubtless ensure they are suitably punished, hopefully with the club side arm.

Only new star Hodderin, S. (22 runs, with a huge six over mid wicket amongst his four boundaries) and supreme Tzar Yuri (a well-judged 14 not out) salvaged some honour and fighting spirit amongst this mass desertion of duty on the battlefield: The Collective had scraped to 98 all out.  Stats fans (and Keithy…) will be fascinated to learn that eight of LMS’s ten wickets were achieved clean bowled. Chief executioner proved to be London Marshes’ devilishly nagging spinner Brawton, senior: This sadistic veteran took a nastily impressive 5-25 off 11 tortuous overs.

Bolstered by a thoroughly delightful French cuisine-inspired spoof of English tea – kind courtesy Madamoiselle Yankeroff – of rich cream scones, home-cooked sausage rolls and traditional sandwiches, spirits were extremely high as SCC took the field to defend a near indefensible total.

Reaching it was to prove no cakewalk for LMS: Mad Soldya Hatscape, Timov Chipmonski and Hitmanherski Yankerov all bowled economical short spells. Hodderin S. and Ilyeva Luncherov were revelations in the field, the latter in particular endlessly sprinting and diving to cover every centimetre of a Steppe-sized zonal fielding area.

Sametski’s brother and fellow debutante Danov Hodderin had boldly opened the bowling (with Yankerov), keeping LMS curtailed with fine figures of 5-0-18-1. Despite struggling with a virus, Vice Captain Brandonovski then made a tricky catch at backward square look nonchalantly easy. And Tzar Yuri topped the attack charts, with three fine wickets.

After 22.1 not entirely nerveless overs though, the Capitalists triumphed, but – such was our Socialistic performance with the ball – the six-wicket victory perhaps even slightly flattered the victors: Encouraging signs, comrades!

Now, anybody have Keithy’s e-mail address…?!?

SCORECARD LINKS:

SCCinnings_SCCvLMSCC4May2014sml

LMSCCinnings_SCCvLMSCC4May2014sml

Match Report: Penn Street CC v SCC Friday 18th May 2013

Penn match report

Draw – timed game 20 overs after 18:30
Penn Street 180 for 7
SCC 171 for 7

Comrades!

Subjectivity works like a champagne soaked visor, the delicate fumes of which drift down a comrade’s schnoz and paint a draw into a glorious result. Not falsely either, for we look at our history and improvement in skills and are rightly glorious in Saturday’s result.

Penn street CC were as ever welcoming, warm and offering a superb pitch and environs. True, still moist from recent rains but quite resilient to the spikes and although throwing up the odd pitched ball, was eminently worthy of a great game. The weather held up. Thick and sticky warm air with cloud and then spurts of hot sun, enough for a red neck tan and a thirst for coo lager. We were a team of 12 and I decided to institute a new convention; If  a twelth man/woman comes along to offer support, they will receive a bottle of wine from the Premier himself (At present, moi) Consequently, Vladimir Boringski was suurprised and delighted to be our first ever recipient of the 12th man award!

Vladimir 12th man
Vladimir 12th man

We waddled into fielding first and after the applause died quietly away, the bowling commence by my good self and brother, Yuri and Chimpmunkski. Facing were Smith and Sutherland. My style at the moment is to narrowly avoid wickets but keep the scores low. Managed that, but if I had appealed there was an LBW but i seem to lose site of the ball as it reaches the bat, need to improve. Chipmunkski was hard at his nib nib nibbing. Smith had got 4 fours and some steady defence but some skillful field work between Chipmunkski and Brandonovski ran him out. His opening partnership at 35. Briggs came onto the field, I think with a view to take a mortgage on the crease.

It then took a similar amount of overs, now up to 20, for the next wicket. My initial spell over, Samovar replaced me. Chipmunkski stood down too, his 8 overs going for 34 runs so just over 4 per over which is a good improvement and the winter nets clearly show. Good work.

Samovar was bowling, as ever, like a glass shard down a lubricated drain pipe. Robski had padded out his gloves with cold herring and was barely feeling the pain of the impact. Samovar was warming up. But attention! New comrade, John Hirst (nickname tbc). His style is rather elegant with a cheery wrist flick at the release, good length and line and enough to fox the Sutherland’s bat. A swoosh, a wallop and Cobramovich had the ball in his educated hands and Sutherland was out for 30. But a good knock and patiently taken. Samovar was limbered up. Herriot joined Briggs into bat.

The pace and line was hard to keep up with as I stood Mid-On; A flashing arm, A dab of edge, Marx-B reacting, a cheer – a great slip catch! Great bowl, great catch and Herriott was in and out for none. A very valuable wicket indeed.

SCC Team 18 May 2013
SCC Team 18 May 2013

By now Penn were on 84 off 23 overs and there was a feel of tension in the air. Our spirited Chirruping in the field helps. So who was next, Exton. His knock proved valuable to Penn and was certainly a bit costly, containing two 6s and three 4s off Hirst and Soldya. But our captain Marx decided to have an over and promptly bowled Exton. This felt like a great wicket to take as he had been getting into his stride. The captain’s logic is unique and he promptly stopped bowling… Cmr cms Marx, do please bowl more!

Egan now in to face Cobramovich. Three foxing lofted wonders hissed out from the palm of a cobra and then kerplunk, bowled clean for 1. The effect on the field we wonderful and Penn was now at 130 for 5 off 31 overs. Could we actually contain the runs. Last year was over 250 so this looked encouraging.

Soldya and Cobramovich were partnering up the bowling the field was set for catching. But who was still patting and knocking his way along? Briggs. Walked on the pitch at 14:42 and was still there at 16:30. Very solid and calm. However, Cobramovich plopped a tempter to his bat and with a staggering lurch and eyes like and eagle, captain Marx reached forward and held fast the ball. Twice in a short time he took a valuable wicket. Top leading by example, I say.

A brilliant way to end a good match in the field followed as Slade was runout by an amazing throw from Samovar off Soldya. I would say that the throw was straight and covered fifty yards low and fast. Splash went the bails and great work Samovar.

So our fielding session ended and was truly illustrious. Great throwing from Samovar, Brandonovski, Sewelski and Hirst. fantastic catches from Marx, Cobramovich and run out from ChipMunkski. Bowling and fielding nifty ness from Soldya and Jontin and if course, amazing, palm bruising stops from Robski…. You may now remove the herring.

A delicious tea later and at 17:22 we were in bat. Brandonovski and Hirst opened. The former was still keen from his BAFTA success but the gods of willow were against him and after four dots, Goodchild offered him an offside shorter delivery that was caught by Hammond for 0. Queue some air wafting and an exit. Jontin in.

Scoreboard
Scoreboard

I was umpiring and keen to learn on the field as much as I could at Strikers end. However I wasn’t keen to develop my finger pointing but Hirst was stumped by Exton by a good three feet and I had no choice but to lift my digit. Sorry comrade. Samovar to the crease.

Looking at Jontin’s entry, there are twelve dots before his first boundary 4. I was looking at his expression for those dots and I would describe it as simpering internal fury. BUT… The tide began to turn and the dots reduce and the runs increase. Samovar, who said he was not focused, still placed a useful 15 in a quarter of an hour before succumbing bowled to McAndrews.

Captain Marx
Captain Marx

Captain Marx was now out in the field. He had been chatting to the oppo scorer, The Magnificent Cally, who said I had had an LBW but hadn’t appealed. Just what you need to hear! But all forgiven as what followed from Marx and Jontin was a partnership of 90 lasting over two hours. Finally Goodchild bowled Jontin for 77 but his knock placed us in a really good place and a chance to win or a least force a draw. Eleven 4s in total and a great couple of hours of batting.

Cobramovich and Sewelski soon perished to Goodchild too but by now it was ten to eight and Soldya and the lower orders were required to cling on to the chance of a draw, a win possible but unlikely. On the last ball I was in and took a single but we were safely drawn by then. Both teams exhibited exemplary sporting appreciation and all chatted raucously about the great day in the pub.

There were many great acts of sporting prowess and finesse in the match by us all. We can all be proud. I must commend Jontin with all respect for his great knock, a performance which lifted the total to a point where even victory was possible. But comrade of the match for me was our captain Marx who took fantastic catches, a wicket and then batted a fab 43 to support Jontin in his stand. Lead by example!

Comrades, congratulations on a great game, a great day and a good step in the future of the SCC.

Do Svidaniya!!

Scorebooks

Penn St Innings
Penn St Innings

 

SCC innings
SCC innings

Match Report: Stonor CC v SCC 15th September 2012

lenin-in-stonor
Lenin in Stonor

Stonor CC win by 7 wickets scoring 219
SCC all out for 95
Timed match

Comrades, it is almost unbelievable that our last match of the season has been played. I am so upset, I haven’t yet even opened my kit bag to clean my whites. However, Mrs. Yuri will no doubt soon be bend my ear to do so. Still, as the season has to end, it could not have ended with a more beautiful, exciting and friendly fixture as this. Stonor CC came as manner from a communist heaven (Minsk?) to replace the dissolved fixture with the NFTS. It will be back next year, but so will Stonor, I hope! Thanks to The Fixture List for tipping me the nod,  cocking me a wink or wibbling me wobble.

THEIR KNOCK
Strolling out into the Valley of the living, gazed down on by Red Kites and Dear from the valley’s soft, encompassing hills, one was filled with a desire to play smashing cricket and be jolly hearted and hopeful. Cobramovich captained and won the toss and put the oppo into bat, we were off.

Collings and Powell strolled purposefully out into their field of battle, the SCC gathering themselves to play. The sun was bright and hot and the bowling opened with myself and Antonov. I had bowled two balls to dot, then on my third, Collings made a playful swoosh and edged the ball high and into the grateful and sticky hands of our comrade, Andropov Sewelski. An amazing start. I felt quite bad, being so familiar to the batsman’s situation myself, but Andropov and I will bathe in the wicket, thank you very much!

Replacing Collings was Left hander, Nicholson. Reviewing the scorecard I realise that I almost had exclusive use of Nicholson with few other bowlers getting a go at him. Although he had much more use of me than him. Antonov held down Powell quite well on the other side but it took until an unfortunate 49 for Antonov to get a snick and provide Robski with a great double catch at the wicket. A very valuable bat to take.

deanov-delivers
Deanov delivers

Antonov had 6 overs for 32 runs and a wicket, nice and economic compared to my 8 for 48 and 1. Much improved results from Antonov mark well for next season whereas my plans for round-the-wicket slip catching may go back on hold. KanKan and Chipmonkski were soon bowling. The former once again coming in like a Steam Roller and the Chipmonkski with his punishing demi-loft, lengthy nibble-off-the bails bowl. Though neither Nicholson or Mayo fell, KanKan had 24 off 6 overs and Chipmonkski, 31 from his first 4 over spell.

Jontin now presented his sterling, communist self at the crease and on his second over, suckered the unsuspecting, though already comfortable at 64 Powell into pitching the ball hard and high on the offside towards the pavilion. What followed, comrades, was a cross between a balletic pirouette and side step, an elegant presentation of both arms above the head and a scooping up of the ball in both hands by Vladimir Boringski (aka Charlie). He took a tumble but came up ball in hand. Beautiful.

ageddad
Aged Dad

Mayo retired hurt at 50 leaving Hunt and young S.Kimber to face Deanov and Chipmonkski on a second spell. Hunt achieved 30 and the young blood, 2 – but his first proper runs we are told, so collective hats off to him, comrades! Deanov’s 4 overs cost 28 and Jontin’s 6 for 45 and 1 wicket, don’t forget. Chipmonkski’s second spell of 2 overs for 2.

OUR KNOCK
I find fielding first not to my liking, comrades. I was quite bushed and the thought of settling down to the scorecard and dotting up our batting was a relief. Something that we must improve at in capability. It helps your Maths and makes you a better cricketer, comrades. It would also mean you can avoid umpiring! If you avoid both umpiring and scoring then the polit bureau will be taking a close look at selection time.

Deanov and Vladimir Boringski opened for us. Agar and Denton bowling. Agar had three maidens in 7 overs and cost only 13 runs – so nice and tidy. It did mean that Deanov had to play tight and build up to his normal prowess. Vlad too was keeping it tidy but Denton had other ideas and on his 2nd over got Vlad LBW for 0. This brought Robski in.

Denton again took our comrade Robski and this time a wicket. At this point we were 7 for 3. Oh dear. Familiarity breeds contempt and this situation is utterly contemptuous. What we needed was steady dotting and Captain Cobramovich stepped up and in. There was peace and calming vibes. no more wickets now for forty five minutes and the score could slowly rise. Deanov beginning to scent blood and bone. A blade flashing for collective might. Cobramovich steeling his nerve.

need-new-bat
“Another bat, premier?”

Denton and Agar had their spells and swapped out with Kimber and and Griffiths. Then Kimber jnr. and Collings. Now Deanov was off on a batting mission and we were up to 58. Captain Cobramovich was stumped off Griffiths slinking snake like back to the crease for 5. His return to the steps brought a sunken expression of “I know not to do that” but we were not down hearted. Brandonovski would keep Deanov company, and did so with similar style and grace as our captain. Dotting away like a pro.

Young Sam Kimber took his first grown up wicket (that is to say, a wicket of a grown-up not a fully developed set of stumps) off Deanov just after his 50. Brining in Samovar. Now both Kimber’s were bowling but it was young Kimber again who snaffled Brandonovski by enabling a catch in the field after he had dotted 27 balls, so well done. Poor Andropov very rapidly fell to young Kimber too, caught and bowled.

Disarray in the ranks! Samovar out for 13 to Sam’s father, Antonov in and out in five minutes being bowled Collings. Jontin was now keeping Chipmonksi company and he made a fine communist, if somewhat aristocratically compromised dot of it. Chipmonkski was bowled Denton and so in I popped as tail end Charlie. I padded one ball and then let Jontin face. But we we weren’t there for too much longer as Denton bowled Jontin next over. We were all out for 95. Another SCC batting experience with high points and many, many low points.

brothers-in-jest
Brothers in scoring.
Especially fond of my box on the table

High points with the bat are Deanov’s 50 then some stoical “staying in” and slowing the rot by captain Cobramovich and Jontin. But joining these usual suspects were two splendid additions to the “I can stay in the crease” gang, Brandonovski and Chipmonkski. Well done comrades, sometimes for these timed games, staying in is worth a hell of a lot.

vladymir-boringski-and-friend
comrade Vladimir Boringski

A very great day in the delightful Stonor Park and great weather too. Great thanks to all at Stonor for their hospitality and art work in the changing rooms(!).  Well done to young Sam Kimber for playing so well and to our splendid support from young Owen Sewelski stepping in early on to cover some late players. Boooh to the traffic in Henley!

…But a big thanks to all of us comrades for making this final match and the whole season so enjoyable and mutually splendid. A finer bunch of cricketing, communistic styled, soho based, media professionals and dependants you will not meet. Unless you do of course. In which case… ATTACK!

Your very devoted comrade commissar Premier, Yuri.

 

As ever, the scorecards are below!

spcc-v-scc-15-sep-2012-usStonor CC innings spcc-v-scc-15-sep-2012-themSCC innings